Are you feeling disconnected from your spouse, not feeling any love anymore? Would leaving be the best option? You are not alone; many couples out there want a quick solution and think that throwing in the towel on the marriage is the only way to resolve the issues. Then there are others who think that the marriage can be rescued and are willing to put in some effort to get a fresh start. Often, a radical shift in mindset is required to break the cycle of an unhappy marriage.
A great way to start is by taking responsibility for your part in the dispute. Either of you can withdraw your emotions due to feeling hurt and angry. But you need to disconnect yourself from the negative feelings and start to think on a more positive note by stopping the blame game. So before giving up on your marriage, here are a few things you can do to give it a second chance.
Repair the Conflicts Smartly
If you have resentments toward your spouse, don’t put them aside. It can effectively destroy your marriage. Most conflicts don’t get resolved in a marriage, so your focus should be on resolving them effectively. You need to try and bounce back from disagreements instead of avoiding the conflict. This is because couples who avoid resolving disputes have a higher risk of stagnating their relationships.
Don’t Place Blame While Complaining
Do you criticize your partner often? You can reap better results by talking about certain issues rather than attacking your partner by blaming them. It’s okay for you to have complaints, and you should share them with your spouse; that is how you approach tackling the issues. You should not add attacking words that will hurt your spouse and make them defensive. This actually creates a rift as your spouse will turn away from you if you blame them, and the core issue will go unresolved.
Focus On The Core Issues
You have to be aware of what you are trying to accomplish. Don’t attack your partner on a personal level when discussing issues, and refrain from name-calling, as this is a primary form of verbal attack. You must remember that the anger you are feeling is typically a symptom of the underlying fear, hurt, and frustration that needs to be addressed. So you have to sit down with your spouse and ask questions to find out the positive need which your partner is looking for.
You should also not show contempt to your partner so refrain from name-calling, rolling your eyes, and sarcasm. You can also opt for counseling to address your issues effectively. Sites such as louisvillegracepsychological.com can help you find couples counseling experts to try and work out a route to reconciling your core issues.
Nurture Admiration And Fondness Amongst Yourselves
You might be grappling with your partner’s flaws, but you still must remind yourself of their positive qualities. Make it a point to express your positive feelings to your partner daily. If you disagree over something, instead of insisting on getting your way, you should search for common ground. You should not shut yourself off from communicating with your spouse and allow them to voice their point of view.
Try to Boost Your Physical Affection
Holding hands, touching, or hugging your spouse releases oxytocin, which is known to cause a calming sensation. According to studies, affectionate touches and sexual orgasms also release it. Stress hormones can also be reduced by physical affection, helping to lower cortisol, the stress hormone.
Spend Regular Time With Your Partner
You should spend more time with your spouse, participating in activities you both like. You should engage in conversation that expresses understanding, shows empathy, and validates emotions. You can easily sustain a meaningful and deep bond if your spouse is on your side. So start with a simple “How was your day today?” and build from it. Conversation is key to spending meaningful time together. Next, take part in activities that you both enjoy, such as kayaking, hiking, gardening, and watching a movie.
Learn To Forgive
Forgiving each other is the best way to move on from a hurtful situation. You must remember, though, that forgiving is not the same as condoning any hurtful action. You should remember that you both are on the same team and that both of you are trying to make the marriage work. Your spouse is also putting in their best effort; hence, you have to understand their approach more.
Don’t Let Wounds Fester
If you find your spouse’s behavior to be negative, challenge your beliefs and examine the self-defeating thoughts. You need to hear your spouse out to know their side of the story. You may feel hurt and not want to trust your spouse even though they produce evidence that negates your grievances. You just will need to keep an open mind during those times.
Have Honest Communication About Your Relationship
You must be forthcoming with your spouse regarding concerns and express your thoughts clearly. Share your wishes and feelings respectfully with your partner. Sweeping issues under the rug can cause resentment between the two of you. Hence, you need to be open and frank about bringing forth any emotions regarding any problem instead of burying the negative feelings deep within you. Work on having discussions about your long-term relationship goals with your spouse.
You might feel rejected, hurt, resentful, and frustrated if you perceive that your partner has emotionally exited your marriage. On the next occasion, when you disagree with your partner, you must examine your own responses instead of second-guessing your spouse’s reactions. You need to adopt a resilient mindset instead of clamming up and working on how to mend your marriage and get it back on track. Best of luck with giving your marriage a second chance.