Why Declining Sexual Performance During a Crisis Is Not Unusual

 When it comes to times of crisis, it's just like any other major period of stress in your life. Your priorities change, and you can't focus on things you would normally enjoy. For many, that can put a strain on their sex life.

 A crisis can rapidly change a relationship dynamic, and it can all but kill your sex drive. But before you collapse in despair, hang tight. This is all normal, and it doesn't have to last forever. You can take steps to re-establish your sex drive and sex life.

What You're Feeling Is Normal

If I were to ask you to list the top ten things that stimulate you, I'm going to guess that a global crisis is not one of them.

Your basic needs have to be met, and you need to be physically safe before your brain and body put effort toward sexuality. But sometimes there is a disconnect between what our brains think and reality. Parts of our brains still live in ancient times and can't tell the difference between a serious threat to your life and a stressful experience. If you get too stressed out, your body shuts down sexual desire so it can focus on whatever it needs for survival.

First of all, in a pandemic, your brain may not be sure if your basic needs are met. Second of all, your brain perceives danger because the overall message of the human species right now is: SOS.

It’s all a lot for your brain to handle, and to make sure it can handle everything, it might decide its time to dial back the sex drive for a little while. However, there is no need to continue living like that. There are steps you can take to restore your sex life.

What To Do If You Want Sex in Your Life Right Now  

You might feel a lot of pressure to keep up on the news and think about everything that needs to be taken care of, but there is a balance here. After a certain point, you do more harm than good by focusing on these things, so you need to learn to limit how much news you're consuming.

Sex could actually help relieve your stress dramatically. It offers an opportunity to connect with someone intimately. It releases endorphins, the hormones that make you feel good. Sex can even help your brain believe you are safe and allow you to relax more.

So how do you get that drive back?


Set Boundaries & Have Fun!

The most direct way to help your body and brain to shift back toward sexuality is to set boundaries around the thing that is getting in your way. 

You and your partner should agree not to look at or discuss the news after 7 pm at the latest. It might be best to put away your phones altogether in case you are in a group chat that keeps blowing up.

If you find yourself thinking about the pandemic during this time, simply note it and turn your attention actively toward something else--ideally, your partner.

Put a little more effort into romantic and sexy themes. While you may not have needed a whole lot to get going before, now you need more props and cues for your brain and body to orient toward sex. 

Here are some ideas:
  • Open a bottle of wine and make chocolate-covered strawberries with your partner. 
  • Share your favorite sexy memory with your partner
  • Give your partner a sensual massage
You’ll have fun and start to relax as you engage in these sexy activities. You’ll be glad you put your phone away.

How To Last Longer Naturally 

If you find yourself not lasting as long as usual, don’t worry. There are ways to last longer, and many of them are simple.
  • Practice edging. When you get close to orgasm, stop. Let your nerves cool off. This will help you last longer, and it will make your orgasm more powerful. It's hard at first, but you'll get the hang of it. You can practice this when masturbating or during sex.
  • Do Kegels, a.k.a. weightlifting for your pelvic floor. Every day, squeeze up your pelvic muscles for ten seconds. Repeat ten times. This has been shown to help men last longer. 
The key is that you be intentional about it. Set your boundaries with the news and conversation topics. Get creative and sexy with your partner. During this time, you might actually learn a lot about each other and develop your sex life in ways you didn't expect. Let this be an opportunity to grow closer to your partner.
 
 
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