Things to Consider Before I Move In With my Partner
Thursday, 18 June 2020

 For every couple, moving in and sharing life are important steps. Steps that require trust, commitment, and clear boundaries. It’s a matter that goes beyond love. When you move in with someone, you share finances and responsibilities. You can be liable for your partner’s behaviors or mistakes and lose property and money. The decision is not easy, and it is important to go beyond feelings to protect your safety and wellbeing. You may discover you are not compatible after all. Or, that your partner is already married in another state. Or even worse: it’s not unheard that people who have been in a couple for many years find well hidden and dangerous secrets that put their lives at risk. While it is not the norm, their stories can work as cautionary tales to be careful before making life-altering decisions. 

What do You Really Know?

Being in love feels amazing. The world feels like a better place when you are in the company of your partner. You look forward to a future together and start making. You are excited and make plans for many years to come. While this is nice, it can also cloud your judgment. Before an important change, ask yourself: how much information do I really have about my partner? This is especially important if you have not known each other for a long time. An easy way to find out more about someone is to run a quick online background search. Sites like Check People are reliable, fast, and very easy to use. You’ll get access to information about criminal records, marriages, and bankruptcies. Some people feel bad about a move like this, but remember that the only thing you are doing is protecting yourself. 

After you have the cold, hard facts, there is still important ground to cover. Many couples make the mistake of assuming they have the same values or political views and don’t find out about their difference until after they have made important commitments and life-altering changes. So, before taking the next step into your relationship, ask each other the following questions:

1. How do you describe a successful relationship?
2. How should household chores be divided, and why?
3. Which financial responsibilities will you share, and how? Which ones will remain a personal responsibility for each of you, and why?
4. How do you see your future? Together and as individuals. 
5. How do you solve problems together?
6. Do you have compatible sleep habits and schedules?
7. How will you each manage the stuff that really bothers you about the other one?
8. How would you manage a breakup?
9. How will you decide on a place to share? Will you move in with them? Do you each leave your current accommodations and look for something together?
10. What will change in your relationship (for better or worse) once you move in together? Why do you think so? 
11. Have you discussed your deal-breakers? And your boundaries?
12. Do you share the same spiritual/religious beliefs? 
13. How’s your relationship with each other’s family?

These are just a few suggestions. What we recommend is to address any behavior or belief that could jeopardize your relationship, and have an open and honest conversation about it. 

After Moving In

There are always a few first months in which it may seem that you have melted together. Sharing your everyday lives can certainly have this effect. But remember that you are still individuals. Giving each other space and sharing time with other friends is essential for the relationship to have a real future. Respect each other’s boundaries, and more importantly, trust each other. While it is okay to research a bit during the first stages of a relationship if you already live together and find something is odd, or you require further information, ask. Communication is essential for a good relationship. Disclose anything that may seem confusing to your partner too, and make the big decisions together. 

Regardless of the stage of your relationship, taking care of yourself is still your responsibility. Domestic violence or abuse can start with things that seem harmless. At any sign of something that makes you feel in danger, ask for help, and leave. You are in no obligation to remain in a relationship that makes you feel bad –even if you are married–.
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